I ask this favor of you.

I work a couple nights a week at a certain lingerie store in the mall for fun. I've worked there for a long time and in that time I've experienced many things that I'd really rather never had experienced. These things must stop so that this job may remain fun.

From time to time, the company mails out coupons for discounts on bras and free panties. The free panties that are usually offered are our basic panties in the basic solid colors. You people that get all worked up that you can't get the exact style or fancy pattern that you wanted are driving me nuts! Its a FREE panty! This is not something you are entitled to, this is something that the company offered to you as a customer. You do not have a right to yell at me and degrade me for offering you EXACTLY what is printed on the coupon. Stop complaining about free stuff!

I am fully aware that I work at a lingerie store and part of my job is to make sure that the bras you are purchasing are fitting you correctly. When I'm manning the fitting rooms, I do go into rooms and see women in their bras to check the fit. However, I do not find it appropriate for you to try on the peek-a-boo bras and camisoles then proceed to leave your room to seek me out to see how it looks on you. I have no desire to see you in lingerie at all, let alone see your nipples poking out in the peek-a-boo space. Stop it. Bring your best girlfriend along to help you shop if you're not sure how things look on you all by yourself.

Speaking of fitting rooms, have you ever heard of the "swimsuit rule"? If you absolutely must try on the underwear before you buy it, please try them on OVER your own underwear, just like you do with swimwear. I thought this was common sense. I thought wrong. You women that try on the garments and leave behind mystery stains disgust me. I do not want to have to go in a pick up that stained thong off the fitting room floor after you so rudely discarded it there.

I do not have children so I cannot fully understand how hard they must be to keep under control. However, if you can't stop your children from wheeling along at full speed through my store on those stupid little heelies then take them away. Seems simple enough. It is absolutely not okay for those children to be treating the mall as a roller skating rink. Guess what, there are entire business dedicated for just that sort of thing. If you're having trouble locating a spot for that activity, contact me, I can help.

Working at this store has made me realize why some establishments do not allow you to bring food and drink inside. Most people are perfectly capable of bringing a smoothie or a pretzel in with them while they browse the store and not make a mess. There are the exceptions of course. Thank you for leaving your corn dog on top of the makeup when you decided you no longer wanted it. Thank you for putting your now cold coffee on top of the panty table. Don't worry about that garbage can that was 4 feet away from you, I would love to pick up after you. Also, the people that let they're kids eat while they are shopping must desist immediately. Sweeping up your kid's crushed Nilla Wafers or chocolate muffin off the vast marble floor is just what I needed to wrap up my night.

One of the duties as an employee on the floor there is to keep the panties on top of the table straight. I don't mind it so much. Its not a hard task. I do however mind when you look me in the eye, see me straightening said panties and then proceed to tear my nights hard work apart right in front of my face. Don't mind the fact that I offered to help you find your size in the drawers. I love staying all night re-straightening.

I don't know about you, but if I'm somewhere and the places closes, I leave. When we shut off the music, that should be your first clue that maybe you should hurry and make your purchase. When you're suddenly outnumbered by employees 6 to 1, that should also clue you in to hurry up and make your purchase. Do not proceed to continue browsing and trying things on until we've been closed for half an hour. It is not a good thing when mall security has to come force us to get you out and close the store so that they can lock the mall down. The longer you stay at our store, the longer we all have to stay. You're keeping us from sleep, homework and our families. Be courteous.

Men shopping at this store usually makes for a pretty interesting experience. I understand most of you probably have no idea where to start when you go in there, but we need to lay down some ground rules. Its is absolutely not okay for you to size me up and compare me to your girlfriend/wife. Its rude and it makes me uncomfortable. It is also not okay to ask me to try on the lingerie for you because I am "pretty close to her size". You creep. If you're unsure of her size, guess. The stuff can be exchanged. Please refrain from gawking and drooling over the mannequins and the poster of the models. I don't want to see that. If you must, get the catalog and do it in the privacy of your own home.

I know this is a lot of complaints about my "fun" job, but trust me. Even though this list is long, the list of good out weighs the bad. Therefore I stay. However, if you could please help me out by not doing the aforementioned things, I would be ever so grateful.

Thank you,
Your fed up lingerie employee.